BASSN meeting, 4 October 2003

Sexual and Spiritual Needs

Sexual Needs:

Quality of touch
Too fast/too slow – understanding pacing and limits
Set the tone
Movement vs. stillness
Timing
If/when intercourse or other behaviors
Presence and intention
Decision to get involved?
Physical and emotional safety – safer sex education
Detailed history and open disclosure
Establishing boundaries
Discussion of procreation
Environment/space/atmosphere – physical and emtional
Openness
Poly sexual needs
Respect

Keys to Communiating:
Be playful, experiment with language and words
Find a common language that works for you

Expressing Needs: What do you do when there's conflict?
Conflict resolution theory – what are the underlying interests in the situation and can you find common ground? Creative problem solving....not just looking at positions, looking at the larger needs without a full need for compromise.

Reconciling basic needs when they come into conflict -
by discussing the underlying needs in an open, honest way brings out the other interests, opens up wider possibilities for solutions and mutual needs met.

Discussion of needs through situation cards:
Respect, boundaries, affection, other people, family support, fun, connection, welcoming space, time, clarification, communication, fairness?, community, familiarity and comfort, relationship consciousness on both sides, partnership

Poly Problem Solving:
rearranging scheduling, bringing in others to help, wider circles, conflicts within larger communities, radical honesty and appropriate disclosure, ability to set limits and boundaries.

There are not just two choices. How do you find out what's behind the curtain?

TOOLS FOR EXPRESSING SEXUAL NEEDS – COMMUNICATIONS:
I statements
Active Listening
Asking clarifying questions
Focus on feelings – identify your own and consider whether to express them
Notice body language
Negotiating conflicts – identify underlying interests and problem solving
Take a break

What is Spirituality?

Expression:
Art, Music, Movement, the Creative force/energy
Energy of the lifeforce
Something larger than ourselves
What do you do that makes you feel connected to life's purpose & the knowledge of your life's purpose
Oneness with the divine
Nature
The different ways we connect
Synchronicity
the All, the Oneness
What inspires us
Awareness of the cdonnection, the unity with everything--the process of connecting
The breath of divine intelligence
An embodied experience
Transcendant experience, immanent and transcendant
Creative force
Love and Growth, increasing love as a medium/tool/resource
Being open as love
remembering who we are, our soul's purpose
Faith
Mystery
Trust in the process
The work we do to consciously bring closer the divine, healing within, not only believing but also doing.
Living with unknowns and questions as well as knowns